Dr Oz’s ADHD Quiz: Is ADHD Ruining Your Marriage?

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Dr Oz’s ADHD Quiz: Is ADHD Ruining Your Marriage?

By on September 16, 2010

Doctor Oz did a segment about the surprising condition that could be ruining your marriage: ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).  Could your spouse have ADHD and not even know?  Do you sometimes feel like you are the only one paying attention in your marriage?  Dr Oz said that 9 million people have ADHD in America and 75% do not realize they have it.  Many people associate ADHD with hyperactive kids who cannot focus in school, but 70% of children with ADHD become adults with ADHD.  Some signs include hyperactivity, impulsive behavior, interrupting conversations, not paying attention, and forgetting to pay bills… all of which can lead to trouble at work, in your career and for sure within your marriage. Dr Oz's ADHD Test

Causes of ADHD

Genetics – If one parent has ADHD, your kids have 1 in 3 chance of getting it.

Neurology – If you have ADHD, the decision making portion of your brain is usually slightly smaller.

The scary thing is that Dr Oz said that if you have ADHD, you are almost twice as likely to get divorced.  Dr Oz brought Dr. Edward Hallowell, author of Married to Distraction, on his show to discuss ADHD.  Hallowell said that the spouse can feel like they have another child… so one spouse feels like “the nag” and the other one feels like they are treated like a child.

Dr Oz did a demo to show what it is like to have an ADHD brain.  Imagine having a conveyor belt that is moving too fast, so you can’t sort and figure out tasks as fast as things are popping onto the conveyor belt.  Take Dr Oz’s ADHD quiz to get some insight into if you have ADHD and have your spouse take it as well.  Answer the following statements with 1 through 5, where 5 means very true and 1 means not true at all.

Dr Oz’s ADHD Quiz

1.  You have difficulty organizing and getting details in order.  For example, if your spouse asks you to go to the store, you bring back the wrong things and forget what you were supposed to get.

2.  You don’t remember your appointments or obligations.

3.  When a task is challenging, you procrastinate.  For example, if you say you will plan a vacation, you might wait until the day before you are going on vacation to plan it.

4.  You feel driven by a motor that cannot stop, which sometimes leads to emotional outbursts.

Add up the numbers you scored for yourself for the above four statements.  Then find where your score falls in the chart below:

0-5 Not Likely to Have ADHD

5-10 Possibly You Have ADHD

11-15 Suggestively You Have ADHD

16+ Highly Probably You Have ADHD

I personally think that “Possibly” and “Suggestively” are a bit too close in meaning, but I suppose it is just a general guideline anyway.  Dr Oz said if you are over 10, then you might want to consider looking into ADHD.  Dr Hallowell said that highly independent, entrepreneurial, creative and talented people tend to have ADHD – so you are in good company if you find out you do have this.

How to Treat ADHD

Dr Oz said that if you or your spouse think that you have ADHD, you should see a doctor who has experience with ADHD, especially adult ADHD.  Here are some other tips from Dr Oz on ADHD treatments:

- Make lists and write down tasks to help your spouse remember.

- Repetition – repeat things more than once, as this helps people with ADHD.

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Comments to Dr Oz’s ADHD Quiz: Is ADHD Ruining Your Marriage?

  1. Okay, here’s my problem…I am 33 and have had ADHD my whole life. I have struggled with EVEYTHING, I didn’t actually realized I had this until I was aroun 25 or 26, I would get on medicine, it would make me VERY irritable and feeling very “BLAH” I need to find one that truly works for me because I do struggle everyday. I’ve been off of meds for about a year and a half now. Also, everytime I go into a Dr.’s office and even mention ADHD they treat me like I am there only for “Drugs” and as if I am making it all up. I don’t currently have insurance so I have to go to a general practicioner which is probably why they look at me funny and treat me not so great about it. Are there any suggestions to a medicine that might not have irratibility side effects. I was on Adderall (20 mg)

  2. My husband emailed me in work today after seeing the article on ADD from Dr. Oz and said he thinks I have it. I read the information. Everyone in his family thinks there is something wrong with me. I am convinced too, now. We were talking Zoloft but this ADD is totally new to me and I don’t want to die of a heart attack by being on some evil medication. But the life I am living is horrible and God did not mean for it to be this way. I am killing my husband because I don’t know how to get out of my own way. I work for a criminal attorney in Boston and hate my job. I am getting older and the world seems to be against me. They threaten to put my older cat down because it is old and in pain, but I am giving it vet prescribed prednisone and it still purrs and is active. I want to be the one who makes that decision. My youth is gone and our marriage is almost ruined, by husband is disabled and we are broke and my husband needs help with physical things. He is a great man with a heart towards God, but I have no family and his family is elderly. Please pray for me that God sent this email to me through my husband so I can get help. I am ashamed. Jane

  3. I read Thom Hartmann’s book describing hunters and farmers in an ADHD context and realized why I had such difficulty changing some things in my life. Very liberating!

    Coach Charley

  4. If anyone knows what it is like to be married to someone who is ADHD — it is me. When I found out that we were poor ($43,000 in Credit Card Debt) by accident – I sat down on my sofa and just looked around the house. We were married 30 years and I looked around and I saw furniture that was given to us over the years. I had kitchen cabinets that were the original cabinets that came in the house in 1980. My bed was from 1987 and is worn. My bedroom set was given to us as a wedding gift. My inlaws paid $325.00 for it in 1975. We still have.

    I looked down at the carpet that I had and I thoght how my cats have barfed on it so many times. One had even peed on the carpet in two places. The carpet was old and I had terrible allergies. I was eventually diagnosed with a rare immune disorder. But, to get back to what I was talking about – I looked around and I looked at my clothes and I saw no excuse for why we were oweing the credit cards$43,000.

    We are still together only because I have no place to go. I look back and some of his behavior was due to ADHD and I didn’t know it. Things like – getting in the car and instead of holding the wheel with both hands – my husband would always look at himself in the car mirror – look at his teeth maybe — fool with his air. It would upset me so much because I know what it is like living with a scar on your face from a terrible automobile accident.

    I asked my husband how did he manage spending all that money and he just stated that he spent it at stores and he bought gifts. He never told me who he bought gifts for. I imagine maybe if it was a birthday party at work — maybe he thought he had to buy an expensive gift. I don’t know though. My thoughts were that maybe he got into the topless bar scene. But, he would never confess to that.

    He is sneaky in his behavior. It is as if he lives a double life and I am not a part of it. For example, there will be calls on his cell phone on the days he works nights and way after he gets off of work. Yet, he cannot say “Oh, that is so and so) and was just checking how it went at work last night.

    I am sorry that he is ADHD. But lieing and being sneaky are two ballgames that I will not put up with.

  5. Tonya – wish I could offer some advice, but I am not a doctor so I really don’t know what to tell you. Have you tried to speak to your doctor about alternatives to Adderall?

  6. Jane – So sorry to hear about your struggle… we will be praying for you and your family!

  7. Sheila – I do not think ADHD should be used as an excuse for lying or being sneaky. I hope things improve for you!

  8. As a person with ADHD, I always live in fear of disappointing my spouse. Everytime I make a mistake, I dread him finding it out because once again I’ve done something stupid that was easily avoidable. The worst thing is knowing that I’ll probably do it again. I have spending issues too. Sometimes I don’t even realize what I’ve spent my money on. I’ve tried to maintain a budget book, but it’s something I just can’t do. Paperwork is really hard for me.

    He may be lying and being sneaky for fear of disappointing you, making you angry, or just feeling really stupid for making the same mistakes.

    Here’s what I think will help. Eliminate separate accounts. I am far more careful now with paying off the visa, because it’s shared. My husband monitors his spending better as well, although I do stress about having it paid off by the end of the month. Talk about what are fair expenses and what your payment plan is to pay off that debt. I feel a certain level of pride in knowing what I have paid off.

    To me, my ADHD isn’t an excuse, it just is. It impacts so many parts of my life, I can’t even tell you. I’m going to have a baby soon, and I’m worried about my husband trusting me with the baby. He has never mentioned anything or insinuated anything about this, but it’s an anxiety that I have.

    The other thing that I don’t think was mentioned was that ADHD often co-morbidely exists with modd disorders like depression, anxiety, and bi-polar disorder.

    This is a struggle that won’t go away. Educating each other will certainly help. I still haven’t found the balance between feeling helped, versus feeling like a child or being nagged.

    On an end note, another problem we have is my being on the phone. He gets so mad that I can talk for so long with my friends, but it’s the social time I crave. Maybe the same is with your husband?

    I’m only trying to help give perspective, not judge, or even take his side…..you’re right, he could be doing other stuff outside the relationship that he shouldn’t.

  9. Carolyn Irwin says:

    I Am 76 Years of age and have been married to spouse for eighteen years. Wow, I have raised successfully four children, three sons and one daughter. Now I feel the stress of raising another child like in his teens and rebelling against me because of this disease. To a great extent he is worthy of my love but I struggle with having ‘no tools’ to help in this situation. He denies being ADHD but HE IS!!!
    I identify with Shelia and with Jeanie…..But we are only given material with dignosising proof of this disease, We ARE NEVER GIVEN ‘TOOLS’ IN HOW TO LIVE WITH THIS DISORDER. If I was younger I would not stay in this relationship (children or no children) but I am older and not able to be totally self-supporting. It becomes a relationship of surrvival. He is like ‘Jekel and Hyde’ and a part of him is Godly, Kind and adoring. But I question the Godliness in his states of depression and realizing he trust no one. If you believe and have faith in God than that is where your trust would be…….I too have prayed and gone the whole nine yards. I am seeking counciling and wondered if AL-NON would be a survival source of counciling. Need a support group but can’t find one. Really need “tools’ in how to cope. Where can these ‘tools’ be found?
    Carolyn

  10. Carolyn Irwin says:

    Hey, I am not signing up for any subscriptions that cost money……………..So don’t add to my dilema by billing me for a subscription that I can not afford. Remove me from any costly subscription immediately!!!!

    Carolyn Irwn
    1/1/11

  11. During research being done on autism and genetics I was asked if, because I have an aspergers (and adhd) son I would let them make an appointment with a psychologist to see if I had any aspergers tendencies that would have been passed to my son genetically. I was horrified when, four hours into the appointment with the psychologist, she told me I did not have aspergers ‘tendencies’ as I had thought I might, but that I actually have aspergers AND adhd! At 37 that was quite a shocking thing to hear. Diagnosed as adhd, isn’t that a kids disease? But it explains a lot, it explains why I have so much trouble with paperwork, why I cannot get organised, why I am so impulsive and why I flit from one thing to the next never completing things. But the worst part of it is the guilt. The guilt at forgetting something important to my husband that he’s reminded me to do 5 times already, the guilt at making him pay a $20 late payment penalty because I forgot to show him a bill, the guilt at letting my children down when I don’t keep a promise I made because I completely forgot it, or I am late picking them up froom school, or they get a detention for not bringing back a permission slip they brought home for me to sign and I lost it. The worst guilt though, is that I have passed it down to my son and he is even worse than me, it breaks my heart to know I have given him this curse. I hate having adhd and would give almost anything to be a normal, organised person who could remember to cook dinner BEFORE my children are hungry. I have tried medication but that makes me so agitated and nasty my family tell me they’d rather have the old muddled up me back. Please don’t think this is an easy thing to have or an excuse for laziness.

  12. Random Leigh says:

    Why is Dr. Hallowell always dragged out for shows on ADHD? He has it himself and he doesn’t take medication! He is a PR creation!

    Geez, why don’t these shows ever have legitimate experts? Would they have an obese person talking about how to deal with obesity if the person never tried to lose weight? This makes no sense, especially for a psychiatrist. In fact, it’s nuts!

  13. I am 30 years old and for a long time I have struggled in life, I have had to many jobs to count, I am not able to keep a job for more than 2 years max, I feel so much pressure and anxiety and just find a way out. I have one failed marriage, and now married again but feel it slipping away, my wife seems to have no patience with me anymore. I love her and my two sons so much, but I feel it so hard to keep a steady house. I have not been to a psychiatrist, or been on any medications for ADHD, but i do feel the way I am I certainly would be diagnose with it if seen. I work part time and find that even hard to maintain. At times I feel nothing I say is right and always feel I have to watch what I say for fear of an argument. I have never really been able to complete task, and school well lets just say did not work out that well either. I really want to get a handle or just better control of my life I don’t like feeling depressed, angry, and just wrong about everything. What advise or suggestions are out there for a part-time , no insurance father of two.

    - Donald Z

    P.S.
    It was even hard for me to finish this small comment without being distracted and felt rushed inside my head.

  14. Donald,

    Everything in your message can get better. The first thing you need to do is get insurance. ADD medications and testing are expensive, so you need to get insurance first. Don’t worry about the rest of it–focus on getting insurance and then getting tested and then starting on medications. Ask your wife to help you get started with getting insurance. Things will get better. Hang in there.

  15. Donald and Tonya. I feel your pain. I am 35. I know I have had this my whole life. It has been my life. I do not know how to get through it. No insurance, yet can never keep a job to get insurance. I am a scatter brain. My mind is always every which way. Can not focus. Can not plan. Do not follow through. It makes me depressed. Doctors I have went to thought I was just looking for pills. It’s a terrible cycle. I am good people. I always mean well. Adhd is a tough disease.

  16. I’m 44 and have ADHD. My challenges are focusing, completing tasks and I can’t sit still for the life of me, I drive my boyfriend insane and sometimes myself, but he’s a couch potato, or it seems to me, because I’m steady moving, whether cleaning or cleaning what’s already cleaned, fidgety, this and that and so on. I tried Straterra and I didn’t like the trade off; spaced out, moody, zombie like, just to treat ADHD, no thanks, I’ll continue to be all over the place and looking for natural ways to control it. I’ve learned Gluten is the enemy (for me) and I avoid foods that provide a domain for it, which wasn’t a biggie, considering I’m allergic to most things. There’s one incredible thing about ADHDers, we are very intelligent people. Good day to all.

  17. im with the love of my life my best friend i love him with all my heart and soul, we have been together 7 years, apart 1 of those 7 have been thru so much and we made it thru all of it. Im scared though that this is taking him away from me and i we need help. He has been on 60 mg of adderall for about 7 months, it worked great at first helped him so much, but through the months we fight so much eh gets angry so easy, he blames me and says everythng is my fault, he says our communication is not there but when we do talk about problems or about anything he is always right he never seems to even see or understand me or how i feel and i end up in tears for hours.his anger is bad, numerous family members see it but they have no idea what im going though cuz im one that live with him but he doesnt think its the adderall, but he is a totally different man then he was before the adderall. he lost his insurance so will have to stop, so he is cutting down and having bad days then we still have the withdrawls when he has no more meds. but our relationship is suffering. he says he shouldnt have to put up with me, says i make things up that. has said he might leave me. I know he is not the man i fell so in love with the man i love with all i have right now its the adderall. Im scared to death i could lose him and our beautiful love and life bfore he gets through getting off. I want to understand be there for him but its taking toll on me because off way he has and is making me feel about so much. please any input or hel i would be so thankful for. sorry if i repeated things im very tired we had huge fight today, i have terrible headache and i dont get much sleep anymore.

    thank you,
    cherie

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