Dr Oz

Doctor Oz did an episode on the Battle of the Sexes with experts including Laura Berman: author of The Book of Love, Reverand Joseph “Run” Simmons from the television show “Run’s House”, Ian Kerner: author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, and Janine Driver: author of You Say More Than You Think: Use the New Body Language to Get What You Want!, the 7-day Plan.  Here are the expert’s opinions on important relationship questions and men / women questions… and don’t forget to share your opinions on these topics below in the comment section!

Who Are Better Communicators: Men or Women?

Janine Driver said that women think before speaking and put their family first, while men do not think as much before talking and do not think there are consequences involved.  Women are great at articulating what we want and want upsets us.

Laura Berman said that women communicate differently than men.  Men need the point first and then can hear the details, whereas women want to give all of the details from the beginning as they go along.

Ian Kerner said women are good at face to face communication, but men are not good at face to face communication because a long time ago, men were only face-to-face right before they went into a battle or war.

Rev. Joseph “Run” Simmons said women talk too much!

Dr. Oz said that guys are more visual and women are more auditory, so we sometimes have problems communication with one another.

Who Is More Likely to Have a One Night Stand: Men or Women?

Ian Kerner said it takes a man AND a woman to have a one night stand.  You can tell what a guy is planning (and if he is thinking of a hook-up as a one night stand) by what he does during the 90 seconds after sex (cuddling is a good sign!).

Laura Berman said that when women have sex and a good orgasm, their brain gets washed in oxytocin which makes women attached.

Rev. Joseph “Run” Simmons said men are more likely to have a one night stand because they want their cake and to eat it too.

Janine Driver said men will have sex anywhere, whereas women want to be in a nice bed, with lots of pillows and ambiance.

Dr. Oz said that perhaps biology makes men predisposed to one night stands?

Who Gossips More: Men or Women?

The audience member asked which is the best way to communicate: telephone, television or tell-a-female?

Rev. Joseph “Run” Simmons said woman talk more and want to be pretty and great, so they tend to bring other people down in order to push themselves up.

Janine Driver said that gossip is like a woman’s version of sports.

Laura Berman said that gossip is negative, toxic and all about insecurity.  Plus, information means power and so gossiping heightens your status.  Laura said that men gossip too, but maybe women gossip slightly more.

Dr. Oz said gossip changes the progesterone levels in women, and so it may be good for you, but Laura said that talking is what is good for them (not the gossip specifically).

What’s Worse: Being Cheated On Emotionally or Physically (Sexually)?

Rev. Joseph “Run” Simmons said that if you are cheated on physically by having sex, then you will get messed up emotionally anyway… so they are the same thing!

Laura Berman said that sexual cheating is “the real deal” and puts you at risk for diseases, but for women, being cheated on emotionally is harder.  Laura also said that you should not say, do or act in anyway that you would not say, do or act in front if your partner was sitting next to you.

Ian Kerner said that guys have more to learn about emotional cheating, because it is not so obvious to them.

Janine Driver said that her ex cheated on her physically, but it would hurt her much more if her current husband was sending emails about their personal life and what their child did during the day.

Dr. Oz said that most guys have intimate conversation with women when they are trying to have sex with you.

Are We Meant To Be Monogamous?

Janine Driver said we are supposed to be monogamous.  When Janine said “I do” it meant that she would be with her husband for the rest of her life… this is an emotional connection because sex will probably stop at some point when you reach 60, 70 or 80 years old.

Laura Berman said that of course we make commitments at the altar, but we aren’t pre-programmed to be monogamous for life.  When we first decided to have monogamy in our culture, we were only living until the age of 50 years old, but now we live to 100 years old and more.

Ian Kerner said that he was a child of divorce (his parents separated when he was very young), and so he has this precedent from his parents that there is always an “escape hatch” of divorce… whereas his wife, whose parents are happily married, does not think this way.

Dr. Oz said that 90% of all primates are not monogomous, 97% of all mammals are not monogomous and the ones that are monogomous still cheat.

Janine Driver, author of You Say More Than You Think: Use the New Body Language to Get What You Want!, the 7-day Plan, spoke with Dr. Oz on his XM / Sirius radio show about body language.  Here are a couple of pieces of advice from Janine Driver’s body language knowledge:

Janine Driver’s 7 Second Fix

1. No Fig Leaf Positions

The fig leaf position is when you are sitting with your hands folded and covering the crotch area (or the “naughty bits” which Janine picked up from the Holy Grail).  You have three power zones: your neck dimple, your belly button, and your groin.  You want to keep these three power zones open to send a message of confidence and power.  So instead of folding or crossing your hands, which is a begging position, rest your hands on the shoulder of a chair.

2. Put Your Elbow Behind Your Chair

If you are talking to the person sitting next to  you, take your elbow and put it behind your chair so that your neck dimple and belly button face towards the person.

3. Men, Don’t Sit With Legs Wide Open

It is considered arrogant if a man sits with his legs wide open, so avoid doing that or spreading your legs wide when sitting on a bar stool.

Dr. Oz, Gary Neuman, author of The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It, Lisa Flowers and Janine Driver, author of You Say More Than You Think: Use the New Body Language to Get What You Want!, the 7-day Plan, discussed the science of why men cheat.  Dr. Oz’s 5 signs that he is cheating or that he is about to cheat cannot be missed… this information could change every idea you ever had about infidelity.  So lets learn about the question that everyone thinks about at one point: why do men cheat?

From Tiger Woods, to Elliot Spitzer to John Edwards, men cheating on their wives are everywhere in the media.  Power, money and opportunity lead to increases in testosterone, could this make men pre-disposed to cheating?  Up to 60% of men are unfaithful.  Monogomy is not found in many animals because nature inclines men to procreate with as many women as they can.  40% of all men have 1 or 2 copies of a specific gene that makes them geared toward cheating.  Most men who cheat say they aren’t looking for a sexual conquest, but they cheat because they do not feel appreciated at home.  Do you know what profile to look for?  Does any of this worry you?… It definitely caught my attention!  These red flag indicators could save your marriage, so e-mail this to all of the women in your lives!

Dr. Oz said that over 50% of men have cheated in a relationship in their life, and we all know that rebuildin trust at that point is sometimes impossible.  In Dr. Oz’s audience, 30% of the people believe that they have been cheated on.  Gary Neuman wrote The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It, because he wanted to empower women and let them know that this is how men think.  Neuman said only 8% of cheaters say it is about sex, 48% say they are looking for an emotional connection, 88% say the woman they cheat with is not better looking or in better shape than their wife, and 77% of cheating men had friends who also cheated.  Gary said this is a big area where men and women differ.  When women cheat, there is no corrlation to them having friends with similar tendencies.

So what is this so-called “cheating gene” that scientists in Sweden think they have found?  The potential cheating gene is called vasopressin and is released in the brain from the same section that releases oxytocin, which in women goes to the uterus to help stimulate and contract so that you can deliver a baby and have an emotional connection to the baby.  Gary Neuman said that blaming something like cheating on a “cheating gene” is dangerous, because it is like giving someone a get out of jail free card.  Men who cheat are more likely to have a dad who cheated, but there is no way to know if this is something hereditary that you are pre-disposed to or if the men end up cheating like their fathers because of the example they see growing up.

Dr. Oz brough on two guests who struggle with cheating: Randy and Monica.  One day, Randy admitted to Monica that he wasn’t being faithful to her.  Monica became involved with a support group and became empowered and was able to serve Randy with divorce papers.  Randy said that his affair fizzled after 6-8 months, and meanwhile, Monica was becoming a stronger person.  It was at this point that Randy decided he wanted to fix his marriage.  After telling Randy she didn’t want to work on their marriage twice, Monica wrote him a four page letter outlining exactly what he had to do for her to consider staying with him.  If he missed a single therapy appointment, it would be over.  Dr. Oz asked Randy what made him cheat and he said it was because he brought issues to their marriage and they could never emotionally connect.  Monica admitted that there were signs, but she kept thinking that as long as she didn’t ask, it wouldn’t be real.

5 Key Signs Your Man is Cheating:

1.  Less Sex

If you are having less sex than usual, this is Dr. Oz’s first sign of cheating.

2.  Avoids Contact

If he avoids having contact with you, this is Dr. Oz’s second sign of cheating.

3.  Criticizes More

If he is becoming more critical of you or criticizes you often, this is Dr. Oz’s third sign of cheating.

4.  Starts Fights

If he is starting more fights with you, this is Dr. Oz’s fourth sign of cheating.

5.  Away From Home A Lot

And the number one sign of cheating is if your husband or man is away from home a lot.  A woman’s intuition is really the best way to tell if a man is cheating… if you have a gut feeling, unfortunately, you are probably correct.

Gary Neuman’s research has found that men do not reform completely, and this concerns Dr. Oz because that could mean that even though you think you are in a monogamous relationship, you could get a sexually transmitted infection (STI’s).  Did you know that 10% of people who think they are in committed relationships still get STI’s?  Lisa Flowers says that this statistic is shocking and horrifying, but this is exactly why everyone should always get tested.

4 Ways to Spot a Cheater:

Gary Neuman said that only 7% of men will tell the truth if they are cheating… so how can you find out?  Janine Driver, author of You Say More Than You Think: Use the New Body Language to Get What You Want!, the 7-day Plan, gave the following four tell tale signs of a cheater:

1.  Baselining: Get a Baseline

Everyone has a certain way of acting normally, if anything changes, be aware!  For example, does your husband usually make eye contact, but now he has stopped making eye contact with you?

2.  Verbal Indicators

Look at the underlying words your husband is choosing to use when you confront him about cheating.  Does he say something like “I know you don’t believe I’m telling the truth” OR “I can’t believe you think I’m lying”?  The first one more likely means he is telling the truth, since the statement has the words “I’m telling the truth” in it.  The second one more likely mean he is lying, since the statement has the words “I’m lying” in it.  Also, beware of statements like “I know you think this is strange, but…” or “This is going to sound weird, but…”… The word “BUT” should raise flags in your mind.  Another problem is if he laughs when you bring up the topic, this is a concern since this is such a serious topic.  When you ask your husband if he is cheating, his answer should be a solid “No.”  If he says something like “I would never cheat on my wife” then the word “never” is being used to try and convince you, but why would he be trying to convince you if he wasn’t guilty?

3.  Non-Verbal Indicators & Body Language

Janine’s “Belly Button Rule” is that you face your belly button towards people you love and trust.  If you confront your husband, and he gives you the cold shoulder and turns so that his belly button is facing away from you, or if is shrugs his shoulder… this is Naval Intelligence that he is uncertain and not telling the full truth.  If his foot is wrapped around the base of the chair, he is constraining himself (this is what poker players often do if they have a bad hand, since they can’t show their real feelings on their face).  A person leans forward if they like you and what you are discussing, but if he leans away this means he wants to get away.  If he puts his arms in his lap and tries to make himself smaller, this is him trying to make the target smaller and “disappear.”

4.  Follow Your Instincts

If your intuition tells you he is cheating, you are most likely correct.  If his verbal indicators and non-verbal indicators are conflicting, unfortunately, the non-verbal indicators are most probably correct.

Dr. Oz had some advice out there for men who are currently cheating.  Lying to your wife or trying to convince her that she is crazy is as (if not more) torturous than just having the integrity and honesty to admit your infidelity.  So please, do not torment your wife further and just admit to her what you have done.